Vile Customer Anecdote

I can do passive; in fact I did it tonight. No not that. This. If I could name the sad fucker I would. Which is contrary to my usual approach which is to protect equally the innocent and the guilty.

Little Man came into the store to purchase a top up for his Pay As You Go (Vodafone) service. He approached the kiosk which is the area of the store where snacks, tobacco/related, newsmags and lottery products are sold. No scales are available so anything that must be weighed has to go into the main store. On non-Lottery evenings the queues are usual short and it can be quicker to shop there. Fine.

First I knew was a call from the operator who has a customer struggling to understand why the credit he'd purchased isn't yet appearing on his phone.

The minute I laid eyes on him I knew this wouldl be neither quick nor easy. The man is a nasty little bastard with a long record of previous offences against the Good Customer Charter.

"Oh God Man, I paid why isn't it there. You're ripping me off!"

- Sir, you have the docket with the unique credit number. Your next step is to contact the service provider and establish with them why the credit is not yet appearing against your account.

"How do I do that?"

- You call their customer services number.

"What's that?"

- I'm sorry sir, I'm with another operator. You should have been provided with that information when you initially subscribed. It should be a free call, too.

"Aw, man; aw, man! You fucking people are always ripping me off."

At this point he produced what looked to me like a brand new phone and started mashing the keys. Every now and then he muttered darkly, pressed a few more buttons randomly and gave us another Aw Man.

This poisonous little creature with his rat-like freatures and his lank, long grey hair was still standing at the head of the queue. Most of his muttering was of the "How do I find the number?" variety.

Patiently I enquired about the swipe card for the Top Up on the off-chance it had a help number somewhere on it.

He turned on me for distracting him from his key mashing. After another few Aw Mans he did delve into his card holder and produce the swipe card. There on the back of it was a three digit help number for subscribers. After several attemps he successfully dialled those three digits and in the correct order too. At that point with all sorts of bells and whistles going, summoning me to the other side of the store, I tried to take my leave of the operator in the belief that our customer was now well on his way to achieving a solution.

That was a mistake, because he couldn't hear what was being said over my talking.

He was there for another fifteen minutes, standing at the head of the queue making life awkward for everyone, effing and blinding for all he was worth as he attempted to negotiate with his mobile telephony service provider.

Vile little bastard. If I get your name I'm posting it here.