Things can only get better

Ever had a bruise you can't resist kneeding. It hurts already, you know it will only hurt more but you do it anyway.

Our financial problems are a bit like that. Things we are likely to need to replace in the near future are one bed (and matress), the washing machine, the fridge, central heating system, the front door, the master bedroom window, the cistern. Major structural work is required to the rear chimney, the window frames, the roof and the front porch. The entire house needs painting.

I should be suicidal or at the very least manic. But I had almost nothing to drink last night. I know this because I actually didn't feel too bad last night. No nightmares either. I have them some times, or if I'm awake they're crippling anxiety attacks.

But even the thought of the mountain of expenditure facing us and the distance between me and a better paid job that creates I don't actually feel depressed this morning. We were in fear of flooding last night but I slept well.

Now that is deeply strange.

Allow me to make it stranger still. He trotted over to withdraw some money late yesterday afternoon and came back rather ashen faced. No money. Well eight pounds and not much else. And that has to last him two whole weeks. He won't be paid for another two whole weeks. That's a long time to go without fag and vodka money.