Operation Rumball

This is rumball season. The secret to good rumballs is lots of rum. And so when I'm making them in sub-industrial quantities I use own-brand navy rum. The basic model uses wheat based biscuit powder, coconut, cocoa powder and condensed milk. But the key is the rum. You know you've put too much in when mixture gives off fumes, and when children eat one and fall asleep.

Stage one of the first batch is complete. The mixture is in the fridge. Does no one understand that I'm committed to something other than feeding faces, washing, ironing, dusting, vacuuming, and so forth from next week?

No milk today? Give us this day?

Actually yes, we had milk. Just no bread. That's it, our customers had to get by without their daily bread. None of them, as far as I'm aware, reacted well to the suggestion that they buy a loaf tin, some strong flour, salt and yeast, go home and make their own.

Then again, as far as I'm aware none of the kiddies suggested to desperate customers that while we might not be able to provide factory bread (the supplier having completely screwed up and Not Put Our Delivery Onto the Delivery Vehicle - driven by a frenchman whose response to any such catastrophe is a classically ineffectual gallic shrug) we can certainly supply all the ingredients for making bread.

You see bread is made with flour and yeast and water and a pinch of salt. Buy ingredients, tin if wishing to bake a tin-shaped loaf, go home, read instructions should yeast have been purchased in dry packet form. Proceed as instructed. Be patient. Enjoy.

Simple when you know how.