Late August resolutions

For the sake of appearing to be opinionated I've decided to believe very strongly that The Environment should be the Government's Paramount Public Policy Issue. I might believe something completely different or even contradictory tomorrow; you'll just have to come back here to find out (obviously) - as will I.

I've also decided, in a complementary stand, to become ever so slightly pink around the gills in order that that I can hold the view (however briefly) that this Brown-led British government is inadequately interventionist and thereby delinquent.

Now in this adjusted frame of mind I can write to the Prime Minister and inform him that the Government must move as a matter of urgency to hold a public enquiry into the decimation of vast swathes of rain forest perpetrated by The Times in the cause of that Fucking Woman.

I'm referring her to the woman formerly kw-towed to and public funded and known as Her Royal Highness, subsequently demoted and sanctified and here ever after to be referred to as The People's Princess - cue sigh, wistful remembering look, sniff and wipe of eye.

We spent the day she died in the pub getting drunk and laughing at the spectacle that unfolded before us in real time on television. We managed to offend just about everyone in the bar. It was probably the last time The Slug and I were totally on the same wave length.

This dead parasite was, among other things: dumb, manipulative, vacuous, sly, needy, foolish, vain and destructive. She was a slut and a fool. She was born into the fucking aristocracy and cried foul when everyone else stuck to time honoured, tried and tested rules. Well might her husband bemoan his fate, shackled to the only member of the Upper Ten Thousand dim enough think she could make him the first Prince of Wales in history not to keep a mistress.

What exactly did she get from her marriage that she shouldn't have expected?

I'm enraged that The Times has squandered so many acres of newsprint on a Handy Lift Out that is three parts hagiography, one part conspiracy theory digest. As Mohammed Fayed would say, Fug Off. Enough already. Long since. Get a life. Get over her.