That bloody Henry 'iggins

A lot to answer for: like inducing me to read John Grey Gorton's wikipedia biography. Actually it is only HHs fault in a very roundabout way.

With the election date now announced and all that thoughts must turn to voting, which for me involves dragging my arse into central London in the middle of winter, and all for what?

It is all very well to say this is a critical election and yes, we have something slightly more elaborate than 'first past the post' which gives supporters of small parties and advocates of the lunatic fringe a bit of a say - but only in the marginals.

Voting in a blue ribbon seat in inner eastern Melbourne is a dispiriting business. When I first was old enough to vote I lived in the electorate of Kooyong, then held by Andrew Peacock. I can't remember if he'd yet been Shirley Temple's MacLaine's other half or whether he was in or out of office (or for that matter in or out of the leadership of the Liberal Party). That's not really important. I haven't particularly strong feelings either way on Andy - his wife was a ghastly woman and their three harpies worse, but that last matter is very personal and I'll stop right there.

Andy had risen smoothly through the party ranks from a background of privilege (father wealthy, attended a suitable school etc) and supposedly made a good and useful marriage, though that last bit turned out to be rather a bitter joke. He showed sufficient promise that when the time came he was shoe-horned into the newly vacant seat of Kooyong upon the retirement of Bob Menzies. It's that sort of electorate.

When I moved into my own place it was outside the electoral boundary of Kooyong - and inside that of the neighboring electorate of Higgins (named after aforementioned Henry...). Higgins, the electorate was formed 61 years ago and has had an implausible four (4) and four only occupants in all that time. They are, or were:

• Harold Holt, prime minister of Australia (drowned)
  
• John Gorton, prime minister of Australia (voted himself out of office)
  
• Roger Shipton, drip and all-round make-weight
  
• Peter Costello, treasurer and wannabee prime minister of Australia

I remember hearing the news of Holt's disappearance, and indeed we often holidayed not so far from Cheviot Beach along on the backbeach between Sorento and Blairgowrie. I remember the Gorton Business better but mostly because a relative of mine was working in Doug Anthony's office and Anthony's election to leadership of the Country Party was crucial in the machinations that brought down Gorton's leadership, in which the emerging figure of Malcom Fraser also played a part.

Gorton stayed on in the seat, latterly as an independent, until 1975 when he was replaced by Roger Shipton, a figure I can only dimly recall. I'm almost certainly being a bit unfair in characterising him as a hulking, genial, essentially inept buffoon.

The fifteen years a piece average is likely to be raised slightly. Costello will be re-elected. Howard, the defeated prime minister will resign leadership of the party (one assumes) provided he's actually still a member of parliament and hasn't been hounded out of his seat in a gesture that would represent the ultimate indignity. A number of candidates are likely to emerge, Costello is certain to be one of them. Whether he wins or loses that battle he'll be sitting member until the general election after this. If he's leader he'll lead the party into that election.

And the sad thing is that as a voter in his electorate I have absolutely no fucking influence over any of this at all.

DON'T BLAME ME!